Whether you haven’t been dating long and you’re not ready for sex …
Or you’re in a long-term relationship and he wants to ‘try something new’ …
It’s something he’s seen in porn and it looks painful and degrading.
Of course, he would NEVER rape you, right? Because he’s such a GOOD guy.
But that won’t stop him comparing you to his ex, or begging you, or asking you over and over again, or ‘joking’ about the thing you don’t want to do.
Maybe he’s told you that he HAS to watch porn because you won’t let him do it to you …
This is sexual COERCION. Here are six reasons never to give in to his begging.
#1: It Won’t Make Him Love You More.
Ladies, if you are even having the feeling that doing a sex thing might make him love you more, or appreciate you, or treat you better … RUN.
We mean it.
He’s purposefully made you feel inferior so he can wear down your self-esteem and get what he wants out of you.
Does that sound like love? Does that sound like respect?
We should ONLY be having sex with men who make us feel super confident in the bedroom. If he isn’t already doing that, then he doesn’t respect you and you shouldn’t even CARE about trying to get him to love you because he is a waste of space.
It’s hard for us to believe, because it’s just so normalised that women are supposed to have sex that they don’t really want just to please men.
Women’s bodies are STILL considered the property of their romantic partners. We’ve all internalised this, which is why we feel so guilty for saying no, even if it’s something that could physically harm us.
But this is NOT how it’s supposed to be.
Your body belongs to YOU. If a guy treats you otherwise, then his ‘love’ isn’t worth it in the first place.
#2: ‘Just the Tip’ is Never Just the Tip.
Men have been convincing women (and girls) to just try a little bit of what they don’t want to do since your grandparents’ time. (Before that, they didn’t even really need to try and convince us, since we were literally just their property anyway.)
Firstly, ask any woman who fell for this and she will tell you that ‘just the tip’ NEVER means ‘just the tip’.
He is ALREADY disrespecting your boundaries by pushing you to do something you don’t like. You really think he’s not going to push you even further once he starts?
Also, you would still be doing something that you HATE!
A little bit of something that hurts you isn’t much better than a lot of something that hurts you. It all still hurts to do something you don’t want to do sexually – physically and emotionally.
#3: It Won’t Satisfy Him.
And he won’t stop watching porn!
If a guy EVER tries to convince you that he will stop watching porn if you start doing this one porno thing … he is LYING to you.
Seriously, any man who uses this tactic KNOWS what he is doing and he is a terrible human being (if he can even be called human). We guarantee you that he’s been manipulating you in many other ways that you haven’t yet realised.
If this sex act is so important to him that it’s worth disrespecting your boundaries … do you really think he’s going to be happy trying it ‘just once’?
Of course not! He will keep pushing until it becomes routine and you hate yourself enough to go along with it.
#4: It’s More Likely to Hurt.
Whether it’s plain old penis-in-vagina intercourse that you’re not ready for (or you just don’t want in that moment) or he wants to put his penis somewhere else …
Women having sex that they don’t want HURTS.
With vaginal penetration, if you’re not aroused enough, you don’t make enough lubrication and your vagina doesn’t ‘warm up’ enough to accommodate whatever is trying to enter.
Being tense makes this even worse.
Now, think about if he’s pushing you to take his penis somewhere other than your vagina …
Your body is tensing up because YOU DON’T WANT IT.
We need to listen to our bodies instead of listening to men’s whining.
#5: It Won’t Make You Feel Better About Yourself.
You might feel AMAZING when he showers you with praise. And you FINALLY feel good enough. You finally feel like you can compete with the women in porn. You feel like you are his fantasy come true again (which is how he made you feel at the start without needing this degrading sex, which is what made you feel safe enough to fall for him in the first place).
But that ego boost is short-lived and as we said, he WILL get bored of this and start pressuring you into doing it again, or even trying something more degrading and extreme.
There are now two generations of men (Millennials and Gen Z) who have grown up watching violent pornography every day.
Anal, rough oral, choking (which is actually strangulation), BDSM including slapping and punching … How can we ever actually compete with this?
We can’t. We’ll end up in a body bag.
Violating your own boundaries will NEVER make you feel good about yourself in the long run because it is dehumanising.
Also, think about how easy it is for men to orgasm? (If it’s not easy for him, this is because his pornography habit has desensitised his brain and his death-grip has desensitised his penis). Why are women the ones expected to do all of this horrible stuff when men are the ones struggling to make us orgasm?
Once you put the pieces together, you can’t unsee it. Women are STILL considered men’s property when it comes to sex. Men and women are still totally unequal in the bedroom.
#6: You’ve Rewarded Him for Disrespecting You.
If you allow him to violate your sexual boundaries, all you’re doing is showing him that disrespecting you gets him what he wants.
If a puppy pisses on the carpet, we don’t give it a treat and say ‘good boy’.
So why should we reward men who don’t respect us with the satisfaction of disrespecting us even more? (Don’t forget that it’s the very violation of your boundaries that’s the sexiest part to him, because disrespecting women is the hottest thing to these kinds of men.)
There ARE men out there who will never push your sexual boundaries. WE PROMISE!
There are even men who wouldn’t even suggest these porno acts because they know they’re painful and degrading.
Because it’s obvious that they are!
Stop falling for men’s ‘ignorance’. It’s all fake. They KNOW this stuff hurts because they would NEVER want someone to do to them what they want to do to us.
(Also, we know we’ve mentioned porn a lot in this post, but this applies to ALL sex. Even if he’s asking for standard vaginal intercourse or anything else which you usually love but just don’t want in that moment for whatever reason. If he doesn’t accept ‘no’ the first time, that is a LEGITIMATE reason to leave him without giving him a second chance.)