Sad man next to a red flag.

We’re not talking about a little self-deprecating humour here.

When he sees himself as the victim, he's looking for someone to blame.

In fact, it’s SUPER important that your partner can laugh at themselves.

What we’re talking about is when you’re on a date that’s a total downer.

He complains about his looks, his job, his family, his friends (if he has any)

Does your date whine about how easy it is for women?

And how white men are the real victims of society?

We tell you why you should call it quits!

#1: He’s Fishing For Compliments.

Man in hat fishing in lake.

Most of the time when people talk negatively about themselves, they’re looking for a self-esteem boost.

We’re all guilty of it once in a while.

Have you ever said “oh no I don’t” when someone tells you that you look amazing?

It’s either because you want to seem humble, or because you want to hear it again.

Everyone feels insecure sometimes, but if a date is just using you to boost his self-esteem, he’s less into you and more into how you can make him feel about himself.

#2: He Has Unresolved Issues.

Angry man screwing up a newspaper.

Does he sound like he thinks the entire world is out to get him, women especially?

Was he cheated on one time in high school and now he “can’t trust women”?

The fact is that most women experience a LOT worse, but we move on and try not to carry our issues into the next relationship.

Your date’s carrying a lot of baggage there and you don’t want to help him carry it.

He needs to work through this on his own before he can realistically begin a relationship with anyone.

#3: And He’ll Take Them Out on You.

Angry man shouting at woman in a yellow jumper.

If he holds a grudge against women, it’s going to come out in the way he treats you.

And he’ll expect you to do a LOT more for him than he is willing to offer you.

He might even get aggressive about it.

Usually when people see themselves as one of life’s victims, they are looking for someone to blame.

Someone they think has it easier than them.

Someone they can bring down to their level.

#4: He’s Looking for a Free Therapist (or Mommy!).

Tired female therapist writing in notepad.

Yay! If you take on this role, you get to listen to hours of moaning and crying.

Oh, an emotionally sensitive man?

That’s not too bad right?


These types of guys will drain your energy, expecting you to soothe their souls (and even pick up after them around the house), but rarely do they ever reciprocate this support.

After all, HE is the victim of this world, and you have it so easy as a woman, right?

#5: He’s Going to Manipulate You.

Cunning man against black background.

Making you feel sorry for him lulls you into a false sense of security.

You’ll think he’s harmless.

You’ll think he needs you and you’ll feel too guilty to leave him.

He’ll make you feel like you have all the power in the relationship and you have nothing to worry about because he’s just such a sensitive guy who’s had a hard life.

But then comes the bait and switch, where he’ll slowly start to wear down your self-esteem to his level because he can’t stand that you like yourself and he doesn’t.

Soon you’ll be feeling like the world is against you and he’s the only one who can protect you from it.

Which is exactly what he planned all along.

#6: He’s After a Pity Pump.

Man pumping gas.

Men guilting women into bed is a LOT more common than you’d think.

Have you ever had a guy, kind of, whine to get you into bed?

Tell you that it makes him feel bad that you won’t sleep with him?

For some reason, us women have been socialised into feeling sorry for them and then trying to make them feel better with the only thing they actually care about getting from us.

And you know what we mean by that!

Many men actually do this ON PURPOSE to prey on your good heart.


#7: He Has Low Emotional Intelligence.

Blue vintage steel toy robot.
Photo by Rock’n Roll Monkey on Unsplash

Now this one is really giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

Whilst it’s most likely that he’s trying to manipulate you, he really just might not realise how negative he’s being and how much of a drain it is on you.

HOWEVER, you CANNOT teach him emotional intelligence.

You will not be able to make him understand.

Don’t send him that long explaining paragraph.

Don’t spend years trying to fix someone who’ll never learn.

Spend that time working on yourself so that you can attract someone you don’t have to fix in the first place.


Being able to laugh at yourself is so important and it’s actually a huge red flag if he can’t do that.

But if the self-deprecation isn’t funny, then at best he has unresolved issues that you won’t be able to fix and at worst he’s manipulating you.