We’re here to show you the signs of lovebombing you NEED to know. Why does he lovebomb you and why does it work so well?
What is Loveboming?
Lovebombing is a technique used by narcissists to force you to fall for them.
They shower you with so much love, attention and affection, that you’re blind to who they really are.
Lovebombing makes you feel great about yourself. After all, who doesn’t want to feel so wanted and desired?
But it doesn’t last.
You need to be on the lookout for signs of lovebombing.
Signs of Lovebombing:
He Floods You With Compliments.
Like, waaaaay too many.
It’s nice to hear compliments when you’re dating someone new. You’re both excited by each other and it’s hard to keep you hands off each other.
But do these compliments sound genuine? Are they specific to you, or do they sound rehearsed? If they don’t sound quite right, he’s probably just telling you what he thinks you want to hear.
He Buys You Expensive Gifts.
This tactic works by making you feel special and playing into those old-school fantasies of romance that seem to have died out long ago.
However, they might expect something in return.
Expensive gifts can make you end up feeling guilty and like you owe them something, even if he says he doesn’t expect anything in return.
He Future-Fakes You.
Now, this is a red flag all on its own and one of the most impactful signs of lovebombing.
How quickly did he say ‘I love you’? Has he made a joke about marriage? Mentioned something about ‘soulmates’?
If he really is falling in love that quickly, he’s not falling in love with you but the IDEA of you. But it’s likely that he doesn’t even really feel as strongly as he says he does. He’s just building you up to watch you fall.
He Won’t Stop Messaging You.
This might seem flattering at first but his demands get old fast. It’s one of most low effort signs of lovebombing but it can have a huge impact.
He’s trying to insert himself into the rest of your life. If you don’t have space from him, it’s harder for you to take that step back and really assess the situation rationally.
BONUS if he does it when he knows you’re with other people. He wants to make you look rude by checking your phone in company, and irritate you when you should be enjoying yourself.
He Always Wants to Meet.
Similarly to the constant messaging, if he wants to spend too much time with you, he’s trying to make himself your top priority.
It can also be really isolating. When you start to spend so much time with just one person, you lose sight of all the other important aspects of your life.
This is a recipe for emotional dependence. And once you’ve started to drift away from your friends, it can end up feeling impossible to get out.
He’s Just So Needy.
He won’t leave you alone. He needs constant praise. You wonder if he even has anything else in his life because he seems to spend every second on you.
This gives you a feeling of power in the beginning. But the guilt and responsibility you start to feel can get exhausting. Fast.
In addition, if he is so desperate, he is desperate for anyone. It’s not really about you as a person but what you can offer him.
He Turns Up Unannounced.
What might seem a grand romantic gesture is actually a huge red flag if you haven’t been dating long.
Again, he’s trying to insert himself into parts of your life he doesn’t belong. It’s embarrassing and he knows it. If he shows up at work, for example, it can make you look unprofessional.
Turning up unannounced has the added effect of putting you on edge all the time. You don’t know when he’s going to turn up. And he’s been putting so much effort in that you can’t tell him to stop, right? That’s exactly what he wants you to think.
Public Displays of Affection.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of a kiss in the park, or a cuddle on the train. As long as both partners are feeling comfortable with the level of affection, then it’s all good.
But does it feel like too much? Do you feel uncomfortable? Is it ever a bit rough or too sexual? He might be trying to embarrass you and harm your sense of self-worth by reducing you to a sex object in public.
It’s also about possession. He’s letting you know that your body doesn’t quite belong to you anymore. And he’s letting those around you know it too.
Why We Fall for Lovebombing:
Lovebombing techniques work together to create a confusing web of isolation, worry and feeling amazing about ourselves.
Here are the reasons it work so well as a psychological manipulation tactic:
We Need an Ego Boost.
This is especially relevant if you’ve been hurt or rejected in the past (haven’t we all?). Which is, by the way, one of the reasons a rebound is always bad news. If you’re feeling heartbroken and rejected, you’re an easy target for this type of man.
All of this attention makes you feel so special. It makes you feel finally wanted after all those years of pain and rejection. You think this feeling is going to last forever, but it won’t.
He’s using your ego to trick you into feeling things for him that aren’t really there.
Firstly, you’re going to let your guard down, because it almost feels like you have power over this person who is so crazy about you. Secondly, your ego is going to be so happy, that you don’t see the reality in front of you.
We’re Feeling Lonely.
And terrified of ‘ending up’ alone.
As women, we’ve been tricked into believing that we have a sell-by-date. And that the worst thing that can happen to us is to grow older without a husband or boyfried.
However, even growing older alone is better that being stuck with a narcissist.
There is someone out there for you who will treat you well, but you won’t find him if you’re stuck with a narcissist.
Abuse is Romanticised.
This could be an entire blog post itself, but so many of these lovebombing behaviours have been romantised in film, TV, books etc.
We don’t even notice the signs of lovebombing as being problematic because we’ve been raised to believe that these behaviours are just passion. He’s so crazy about you that he’s never giving up on you.
Spolier alert: the vast majority of romcoms and chickflicks are written by men. It’s getting better but not fast enough. We need to support female writers and creators.
Whilst a narcissist can make you feel better than you’ve ever felt, it doesn’t last.
Lovebombing preys on your ego so much that you can’t separate how good he makes you feel from your genuine feelings for him as a person.
He wants to build you up so that he can tear you down and have you forever pining for ‘the way it was in the beginning’.
But it’s never coming back (maybe in short bursts just to keep you hanging on). Don’t give your forever to a narcissist. Leave that lovebomber for someone who appreciates the real you.